Tuesday, December 16, 2014

The Hobbit 3: Battle Of The Five Armies - Five scenes I hope are in the extended edition

Beware, here be spoilers, so if you don't like em, don't go looking for em!


1. This was a pretty great movie, and it'll hold up to the rest, but as per usual, it's kind of a sausage-fest, so my first scene I'd like to see is some if those ladies fighting beside their men. Battle-ladies, and not the shield-maidens that were trained for it, but just women who wanted to defend their families.

2. I want to see how the Orks got the goblins and trolls and worms to work with them. Like, were they coerced? Were they enslaved? Did they make promises or truces, or call in ancient loyalties?


3. I really want to see Tauriel taking that runestone back home to Killi's mom, and telling her the tale--and then the mom taking her in because she's sad and lost and needs a new sort of home. And then I want to see a whole movie of her living with the Dwarves and defending them.

4. I want to see the funerals at the end! I want to see how Dwarves deal with their dead, and how the Elves think it's barbaric and weird, and I want to see how the Humans handle it. And I want to see the Dwarf women coming from nearby to reclaim their husbands and sons--or to reveal that they were right their by their sides, because surely Dwarf women are as tough as the men!


5. I want to see something of Bilbo's journey home. He gets there with stuff he doesn't leave with, and even just a montage of that would be cool.

Bonus! I wanna see what they did with that huge dead dragon. Like, what do you do? Mount the skull on your parapets? Turn the scales into armor? Is there a dragon-stone inside it? Or did it just poison up the whole lake?
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